Did you ever wonder how a cheap redneck with a dented D1 like Dan ended up with an Omega? Well the mystery is solved, let me share how I know this.
About three weeks ago I get a text from a Virgina number asking if I had any D2 headlights, I said I did and asked who it was. At this point the person disparaged my parentage and offered to trade me porn, cash and D1 headlights for a pair of D2 headlights. I knew right away it was Ol' Chappy. We worked out a fair deal (no porn) He paid and I sent him his headlights. I got his old ones in the mail and stuck the box in my basement. Tonight I am sitting around flipping back and forth between the Cubs game and the hockey play offs when he texts me and asks if I got my "anal plug" I realize that i better go figure out whats in that box before it ends up getting sent to a customer. This was in the box, he claimed it was butt plug he got from Garrett but its a casket key, it says Batesville on it. It now makes perfect sense on how Dan went from the G-shock to rocking the omega. He obviously just took it off some rich dead guy. He probably has taken other stuff too, if any of you see him sporting a pinky ring, an Armani suit or (shudder) gold teeth you should probably call the cops. He might even be selling human organs, it would explain that goofy fridge in the back of his D1. I am pretty sure this is a new low even for Dan, even the dead are not safe from his sick depraved ways.
About three weeks ago I get a text from a Virgina number asking if I had any D2 headlights, I said I did and asked who it was. At this point the person disparaged my parentage and offered to trade me porn, cash and D1 headlights for a pair of D2 headlights. I knew right away it was Ol' Chappy. We worked out a fair deal (no porn) He paid and I sent him his headlights. I got his old ones in the mail and stuck the box in my basement. Tonight I am sitting around flipping back and forth between the Cubs game and the hockey play offs when he texts me and asks if I got my "anal plug" I realize that i better go figure out whats in that box before it ends up getting sent to a customer. This was in the box, he claimed it was butt plug he got from Garrett but its a casket key, it says Batesville on it. It now makes perfect sense on how Dan went from the G-shock to rocking the omega. He obviously just took it off some rich dead guy. He probably has taken other stuff too, if any of you see him sporting a pinky ring, an Armani suit or (shudder) gold teeth you should probably call the cops. He might even be selling human organs, it would explain that goofy fridge in the back of his D1. I am pretty sure this is a new low even for Dan, even the dead are not safe from his sick depraved ways.
